Palindrome Then and Now

I've been thinking recently about what I thought marriage would be like.  My dreams.  My reality.  My expectations from high school are deeply contrasted by my current expectations.

My relationship thoughts have largely been shaped by my faith.  When I was in Jr. High, I was counting down the days until I turned 16.  My parents had promised that I could date at that age and I figured I'd have a high school sweet heart, go to college, marry that sweet heart, and have babies - just like my parents.  Awwwwwww.

Around the time I turned 16, our church got swept up  into the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" movement.  It may sound crazy to some, but the main idea was a throwback to formal courting where the gents initiated, parents chaperoned, etc.  Needless to say, I was never asked out in high school.

The summer I was 16, our youth group visited an orphanage in Mexico.

I thought that college would be my ticket to my MRS.  I had (actually still have) strong desires to be a mother.  I think I'm just hardwired this way.  So I made a plan.  I'd meet a nice boy at Bible study my freshman year.  Sophomore year, we'd hang out more, become best friends.  Junior year, we'd become more than friends.  Senior year, we'd be engaged and I'd plan a wedding for the weekend after graduation.  Ha!

At Palindromaid S's (and Mr. Palindrome's!) graduation with my MRS plan gone to crapola.

Now, I see that love doesn't follow my plans.  I realize that my high school and college dreams didn't reflect what I truly wanted.  The thing I wanted most was to meet a man who would challenge me, be my companion, love me, and love building a family with me.  The path and timing wasn't the most important thing, but I focused a lot on that in my love immaturity.

Our love story started in college but unfolded over the next 5 years.  We moved a combined total of 11 times during that time, sometimes in opposite directions.  It wasn't my ideal path, but it was my dream.

Mr. Palindrome and me circa 2006

How have your thoughts about relationships matured since high school?

Mine at Last: In the Evening

Only one thing stood between me and marriage . . . formal pictures.  I knew they wouldn't be fun and that my cheeks would hurt by the end.  Worse than that, the pictures would forever document me looking like  it was no fun and my cheeks hurt.  I think it was Mary Poppins who said, "If you must."  The silver lining is that we ended up with the most complete family pictures in recent memory and everyone who needed to be on time for the ceremony was now on the premises.

 (Note the brilliant blue sky and the deceivingly bright sun outside of our church.)

My cheeks recovered in a back hallway by laughing and smiling until they were numb.

The men folk hid in the basement, fostering Mr. Palindrome's unhealthy relationship with his phone.  Caught ya red handed!

A quick note about the logistics: there were only two options for moving us into place to walk down the aisle.  The first was to hide in the balcony and the second was to wait in the annex and then walk around to the front of the church.  With 22 in the wedding party, plus parents and grandparents, we didn't think we could keep everyone out of sight and quiet on the balcony.  

On the coldest day of the year (10 below freezing without factoring in the wind chill), I picked up my train and HUSTLED.  I felt sorry for our friends, but at this point I was chilly, happy, and had my eyes on the prize at the end of the altar.  Make way! Bride incoming!

 

 I remember seeing everyone line up.  I remember laughing as my brother ran back to process a second and third time (escorting my grandmother, my mother, and then as a groomsman).

I remember not seeing Mr. Palindrome before he walked with his parents (modification of Jewish tradition) and wondering how the processional had gone by so quickly.

I remember standing alone with my Dad at the back of the church and hearing our coordinator say, "It's time."

Probably the worst bride to photograph, I looked all around me as we walked.  I greeted my friends with a smile and nods.  I strained forward to see my groom.

My dad took his role seriously, and though I should have given him a veil lifting lesson, he lovingly placed my hand into Jason's.  My identity multiplied in those moments as my family grew.  From daughter to wife, the most important men in my life were there supporting me. 

After the excitement and anticipation of walking down the aisle, my soul became quiet.  The rest of the ceremony was intensely spiritual for me.

My friend Laura has inspired my faith and encouraged my marriage.  She read Ruth 1:16-17:

But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.

Our friends, Tom and Heather, were spiritual mentors to us during our engagement.  They read Ephesians 5:21-33:

 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

As our pastor and friend started the homily, I thought Mr. Palindrome was going to give me a blister.  He was rubbing the backs of my hands with his thumbs - such a handsome wreck of nerves.  Besides Mr. Palindrome's assault on my fresh manicure, I remember the homily on forgiveness.  We've each given each other plenty of practice living out that message.  Forgiving as Christ forgave us is a cornerstone of our faith and now marriage.

Mr. Palindrome and I chose to celebrate the institution of marriage quite traditionally.  I'm still coming to terms with the reality that we repeated the vows of our parents, grand parents, great-grand parents and the generations before them took.  In those short phrases, we joined our lives not only together but also to the broader idea and philosophy of marriage.  Overwhelming.  In a good way.

I, Jason, take thee, Melinda, to be my wedded wife; and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses to be thy loving and faithful husband, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.

I, Melinda, take thee, Jason, to be my wedded wife; and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses to be thy loving and faithful wife, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.

After we exchanged rings, the unity candle ceremony began while Emily's voice filled the chapel.

In addition to the ceremony candles at the front to represent our establishment of our new family together, our ushers lit small personal candles for all our friends and family to show their support for our marriage.

Dangerously armed with red lips, I kissed Mr. Palindrome.  It was a passionate, yet church appropriate kiss.

And it marked him as mine.

The whole wipe-off-the-lip-stick-and-look-cute schtick was inspired by my make-up artist, Liv Lethal.

Mr. and Mrs. Palindrome.

Walking down the aisle with my husband, well, words fail me.  

Joy. Love. Peace. Awe. Relief. Amazement. Beauty.  Cheer.

As long as we both shall live.

Why I Love Weddings, Remembered

Mr. Palindrome and I attended our first wedding as a married couple the other week.  We had been looking forward to its as we had grown with our friends from college dating, through Navy long distance relationships, and into engagement land. 

Not only were we able to rejoice with them as they joined us on the married side of life, but I found my wedding joy again.  I wasn't sure if weddings would ever be the same to me as when I was a wishful singleton dreamer.  Planning our own wedding exposed me to the stressful, head ache inducing side of things and though I'll never forget the experience, I'm so glad that I can enjoy weddings again since they're not my own!

I held my husband's hand while they repeated their vows, and I rubbed his wedding ring.  I appreciated the natural beauty of the outdoor ceremony space, the fragrance of the flowers, the taste of the wine, and the laughter at the toasts.  I ate Pennsylvania and Ohio shaped cookies from the cookie buffet (representing the bride and groom's home states).  All simple joys. 

Sure, I noticed the little touches that the bride worked so hard on (like the calligraphy place cards), but what I really remember was the feeling of love.  We felt so comfortable with their welcoming families.  We chatted, laughed, and toasted with our table mates.  We danced cheek to cheek to Oldies.  That's why I love weddings - the experience of the fullness of love that radiates from the beginning of a marriage.

Have you lost that loving feeling towards weddings?  Were you able to get it back?

New Year, New Marriage

Holy New Year Wedding Madness, Batman!  It's the day before my wedding.  The only things I need to do today are get my nails done and attend the rehearsal/dinner.  Last week, I was dreading the whole ordeal.  I was convinced that I had created the Frankenstein of weddings and that it had turned against me.  I was sick and tired of anything wedding related.  On Monday morning, the stressful haze began to clear. I woke up and smiled because I knew that I would be seeing the future Mr. Palindrome (after a 21 day hiatus filled with finals and holiday travel).  On Tuesday, we completed our 4th move of the year together (2 for him and 2 for me).  On Wednesday, we transferred all the wedding items to my planner, Ms. P.  Yesterday, we rang in the new year with members of our wedding party at the Bier Garden.  Good beer + good German food = good times had by all.

Today, I woke up and smiled again.  The joy that everyone had predicted would ensue after last week's shenanigans has filled my soul.  My wedding week mantra has been, "At the end of the aisle, our marriage begins." I'm ready to enter into the mysterious relationship of joining two into one.  Today, I'm excited.  And happy.  And at peace.

I'm going to try to refrain from yearbook-esque exclamations (Can you believe it? What a ride! You're the best!) and instead leave you with a little wedding day treat.  My ridiculously talented videographer (technically, my marriage documentarian!) shot a save the date shortie.  I don't think that I've ever told you the story of how we met.  Let us tell you now, in our own words.  (Special shout out to Mrs. Apple Cider for the music suggestion!)


Jason + Melinda // Save the Date from Mark Mroz on Vimeo.

Filmed and edited by Mark Mroz of Goodrich Creative.

Happy New Year dear friends!

Two Become One

After the wedding weekend in RI, and thinking about this post from Meg, I'm particularly struck by what it means for "two to become one." I wonder if I'll lose myself, I wonder if I'll compromise myself, I wonder if myself is exactly the person that I want to be grow into something new. All of these thoughts swam and churned in my head.

Blogging has forced me to gather my thoughts about trivial things like feathers and tulle, so why not use it to gather my thoughts about a philosophy about who I am and how marriage will change that? Right.

1. For me, it all starts in Genesis. And why not? It's the beginning. Gen. 2:24:

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

This is the verse in between when God created humankind and when they were naked and not ashamed. I had a Sunday School teacher who pronounced it nekked. That still tickles my funny bone. Back to the point, two becoming one is illustrated here by leaving the tents of your families and starting a new family.

2. The relationship becomes more complex in light of the relationship between Christ and the church. Ephesians 31-33:

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

3. I think (Disclaimer: I'm not a divinity expert), that one aspect of two becoming one quite literally refers to the intimacy of sex. In this sense, two becoming one is something I'm really looking forward to. See this post for more on that.

4. I think another aspect is that you no longer get to only focus on yourself in a marriage. When you're single and unattached, you get to make decisions that benefit you solely. When you're in a marriage, you have to make decisions that benefit you as a team. It's about going from two individuals, moving in all sorts of directions, to being one team, moving in the same direction.

5. Future sister-in-law Palindrome said to me something about how I make her brother a better person. I feel the same way about him making me a better person. This kind of intimacy, experienced when we're together (and which I hope deepens after were married) is one reason why I don't think "becoming one" is a negative thing. I'm not losing myself in a marriage, I'm gaining a life companion who challenges me and encourages me. It sounds cheesy, but there's a sense of completion in that relationship - the sense of completion that we will know in full when we're with God for eternity. Our earthly marriages reflect just a taste of that.

What do you think? Is "two becoming one" a positive or negative thing for you?

Just call me Mini-Deb

We celebrated the future Mr. Palindrome's birthday over the weekend and I stretched my culinary expertise to its limits. I'd been admiring Deb and her Smitten Kitchen for a few months, but hadn't taken the plunge to actually make anything. The mMister's birthday was the perfect excuse to give some recipes a whirl.

First up? Apple pancakes!

I didn't have a cast iron skillet though, so mine didn't have the gorgeous crust that Deb's  have in the picture above.  I also struggled with our electric chopper to get the apples uniformly chopped.  Oh food processor how I want thee!  Good thing I put one on our registry.  :)

For dinner I made some gorgeously glazed sirloin kabobs. Deb used the garlic-mustard glaze on chicken, but the mustard held up so well to the beef!

The whole grain mustard adds amazing texture to this glaze, but it also leaves evidence in between your teeth so that when you're in the Target, your fiance laughs at you for trying to get him to try on a hat while you look so silly with mustard grains all up in your grill. 

As delicious as our day had been thus far, dessert quite literally took the cake.  I made my first cake from scratch and I have to say that I think I was highly successful.  The espresso chiffon cake with fudge frosting will certainly be a staple in the Palindrome household.  Behold!  I actually remembered to take a picture of this portion of the culinary extravaganza:

Yep, that smile gives away that I had just licked my fingers and gotten a big old taste of fudge frosting.  It might clog your arteries (3 sticks of butter! Paula Dean would be proud), but I'd much rather live three years fewer with this icing in my life.

Have you stretched yourself in the kitchen for your love?  Were you successful in your endeavors?

Stinkin' cute and perfect for weddings

If you're in the mood to die from a cute overload this morning, head on over to Jellybeans.   The artist behind Jellybeans, Angela, creates these watercolor paintings full of whimsy and joy.  Her main motif, the tree, is so symbolic for love and child rearing.  It's like a little colorful dose of "The Giving Tree."

I couldn't decide what to show you, so I made a collage of the love themed trees:

Top Row L-R: Forever and Always, A Spring of Love, Love Flourishes, Stand by Me
Bottom Row L-R: Romance is in the Air, All You Need is Love, Amour DArbre

Any one of these would be adorable as a guest book/matted print.  And check out the sweet daughter trees below!

L-R: Daddy's Little Girl, Mother's Daughter

At $15 for a large print (and $8 for a small one!), these are delightfully affordable and thoughtful gifts.  With a Michael's coupon in hand, you could easily mat and frame these darlings as gifts of appreciation for your parents.  Below are two prints that I thought would easily translate into Save-the-Dates or Thank You's:

R-L: Love Song, 2010 16 Month Desk Calendar

All images are sourced from Jellybeans Etsy Store.

Legacy

Me: Hi Mom! It's 9/09/09!  How crazy is that?  Did you know this won't happen for another trillion years?  Yeah, I read that on wikipedia.  Anyways, know what else is special?  It's your anniversary!  Congratulations!

Motherdrome: Uh, our anniversary was yesterday.

Riiiiiiight. Anyversary, yesterday (note to self, write that down somewhere), my parents celebrated their 30th anniversary.  In this day and age, it's a mighty proud accomplishment and I couldn't be happier for them. 

The future Mr. Palindrome's parents are also happily married.  And all four sets of our grandparents have honored their vows as well.  It's a huge blessing to us to have so many role models in our lives.  People who have stuck it out for better for worse.  People who have been through sickness and health.  People who have seen richer and poorer.  Some who have seen their vows through as long as they both lived.

It's also a big legacy to live up to.  On the heels of my parents' celebration, I want to give them props for teaching me so many things about marriage.  The following is just a sampling of my favorites:

1. Love continues to grow deeper even when you thought it couldn't get any deeper.
2. The adventure is in the journey together.
3. The vows, committed before God, are life changing.
4. You know it's love when you can toot in front of them and they laugh.

To my parents, to my future in laws, to our grandparents - Thank you.  You all are my marriage heroes.

Share with me your marriage heroes!  Who's inspired you?

Another Love Story

I love The Price is Right.  Correction: I used to love The Price Right.  Back when Bob Barker was the host and my great grandmotherdrome would sit and watch with me.  Back when we ate blackberry pie with milk poured over the top.  Back when gasoline was under a buck.  Man did I love guessing the prices.

When I found out Bob Barker was retiring, I flew to Hollywood with my friend E to see a taping of Price.  In a story that's best told in person with me holding out my hands like a begging Oliver Twist, we didn't make the cut in the line and my dreams were dashed.  When Drew Carey started hosting, I stopped watching. 

I saw Bob Barker's autobiography, "Priceless Memories," at the library recently and couldn't pass it up.  In this unlikely place, I found a wedding gem:

"Dorothy Jo's parents said they would have a nice wedding for us in Springfield, one with our friends and all the trimmings, if we wanted.  Or, they said, they would just give us that money.
'Which do you want?' they asked.
And Dorothy Jo and I said in unison, 'We want the money.'
We got on a train and headed to St. Louis.  I had a hotel reservation in that city, and when we arrived, we went through the yellow pages, found a minister, and went to his home to be married.  ... It was January 12, 1945, and Dorothy Jo wore a red dress. I still have it.  She looked great, and both of us were ecstatically happy."

Source

They married right after Bob got his wings, just as many other young couples during WWII.  I love that they went for the money to build their home together.  I love that they took a train to the big city.  I love that they found the minister in the phone book.  I especially love that she wore red.  But most of all, I love how an incredibly simple wedding, made them so "ecstatically happy."

And that's my nice little pick-me-up for the day!

Writing your love story

I started writing letters to my soul mate before I had even gone on a date with boy. It was a silly and immature outlet that I thought was very romantic and fit with the whole mysterious writer thing I was going for my sophomore year of undergrad. The journal of letters grew to be my resting place for my first love. Then it grew again to include the story of the birth of my relationship with my future husband. I had abandoned it again when having one of those, "I don't think he's ever going to propose to me" moments. I buried the journal in my closet and thought I would write a letter after the break-up, years down the road. During my recent move, I unearthed the journal. The last entry was almost three years ago. I very certainly said that I knew I was going to marry my Navy boy.

The letters are personal and something I wouldn't want to share. But I have been inspired by those who have shared their real life love stories. If you're up for a good read (or otherwise bored at work), I highly recommend these two love stories. You'll laugh, you'll cry - it'll move you.


Sourced from the Pioneer Woman
Black Heels to Tractor Wheels, by Ree Drummond (a.k.a the Pioneer Woman)


Sourced from the Nie Nie Dialogues
The Love Story of Nie Nie, by Stephanie Nielson (not a chapter book, but an archived blog documenting a lovely couple now recovering from a plane crash - start with my link in her archives and fall in love with them)

What's your favorite love story? (of the moment or of all time?)